Accidental Historian Pillows

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

Archimedes statue with a lever

'AAAARGH!...Get it off! Whatever the hell it is...Get it off!'

'When we bought this place we thought we'd only be making wine. Apparently, we're also into spirits.'

'This 'Hamlet' thing you're working on... Do you think you could write in a part for Lady Godiva?!'

'It wasn't premeditated.

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The Pied Piper

Pun on Excalibur - Swiss Army knife appears from the lake.

'I can not tell a lie concerning the cherry tree: mistakes were made. However, I must consult with my spin doctors before saying more.'

"... No, when I say, 'you must let go of the past' I mean you must return that vase to the museum you took it from."

"R.V. Lintel- Inventor of Polyroc

'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

A caveman attempting to make a cart

A window is the popular exhibit at an art gallery.

Margaret Cavendish

Scottish Independence: The Union Jock.

"My book is actually about 12th century Etruscan pottery but I thought it might sell better if I aimed it at the children's market."

Mummy has set up a pulley system in his sarcophagus.

The Spoonish Inquisition

"This is your great-great-great grandfather Luis. He met your great-great-great-grandmother at the store where she worked. He was there to buy a lawn mower! She sold him a sheep. They hadn't invented law mowers."

Unexpected Help for the Colonists at the Boston Tea Party

Style

"Who gives a crap if it's not clear in 246 years?"

"Hydro density apparatus invention? Go away - I'm not disturbing his bath for that!"

'I was directing my feet to the sunny side of the street, and a BEER TRUCK got me.'

"Now he decides to start work on the crazy paving."

SOUTH CAROLINA SECEDES, 'See - I TOLD you that you couldn't fool all of the people all of the time!'

A statue of a baseball player swinging a bat stands next to a building with a broken glass window.

"Don't worry dear, accidents happen. Besides, thanks to you and your feather duster, I've just sold it to a collector for twice the original asking price."

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Excalibur.

'These are the happiest days of your life.'

Queen Ranavola of Madagascar executed any of her subjects who appeared in her dreams....

Ancient man

As is often the case, many of the world's great discoveries are accidental.

'They tested some brain boosting pills on me and now I'm selling maps. Want to buy one?'