Gutter Dodger Gifts

Bowling.

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

"Mom, no raking for me this fall! Got any more leaf bags?"

Mr. Blok goes bowling.

Bowling ball van driving into bowling pin factory.

Bowling ball head.

A genie helps a man fold laundry.

'Your mother and I want you to know that you wouldn't be hurting our feelings if you decided not to go to University.'

'I knew I needed help when I started going to fast food places only at night so I wouldn't have to share with sea gulls.'

The Feng Shui of the road must be off.

Trading Places.

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

'How can he remember 37 passwords but always forget to pick his clothes up off the floor?'

"Sorry Mrs. Tate. There's no cure for Not-Taking-Out-The-Garbage-Itis."

"Try not to loft the ball so much.'

"I don't get it. I hired him to workout for me every day, and I still haven't lost any weight."

'Instead of brushing my teeth can't I just chew on one of his dog biscuits?'

Pinocchio's autopsy - "Right about here he started cutting gym class."

Man ignores DIY book and instead reads book entitled: 'Get someone else to do it'.

"We also offer a plan where you just post pictures and skip the exercise."

"Judging by all the parts that fell off our car, I must've have hit more potholes than I thought."

"Can't you rake the leaves? I'm raking in cash."

"Sorry, dear, but vowing NOT to climb Mount Everest this year isn't a valid New Year's resolution."

How caffeine interacts with human brain cells.

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

'I don't need to go to a gym. One of my classroom management strategies is to circulate frequently around the room. I figure I walk three miles a day.'

Winter depression.

"Accursed global warming!"

"Dora's anxiety has always manifested itself in the 'flight response.'"

Walk right in. Sit right down.

"This is my exercise routine, and this is my routine to avoid that exercise routine."

Slimming Club: New Members Entry.

'Hey, we have one of those. You hang your laundry on it.'

Toll Booths Ahead, Radar Detection Area, Construction Ahead, No Rest Stops for 200 Miles, Severe Potholes Ahead.