Guru Appreciator Gifts

"The first step toward enlightenment is dissillusionment."

'Oh, I'm not a guru -- I'm just up here on the advice of my tax accountant.'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

At the 2021 Religious Games

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

Thank you bubbles

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

Guru.

'I don't give advice. I'm only up here because it's safer.'

'Wish you wouldn't cut your nails at bedtime!'

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

"You've traveled all this way just to score some pot? Okay—How much do you want?"

'Now, until you've attained perfect wisdom, you'll have to learn to evade questions.'

OM, SWEET OM

'The trouble is, once you've attained enlightenment, it's all downhill.'

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

Greeting card section: 'thank you' and 'you're welcome'.

'I warned him about thinking the unthinkable!'

Einstein's T-Shirt Reads: I'm with Stupid (Arrows point everywhere).

Bearded old man atop mountain.

Sport, Political, Religious and New Yorker Cartoonist Gurus.

'Come back in two months the meaning of life can change, depending if the market is bullish or bearish.'

'I don't offer any free advice anymore. I am offering a self-help seminar and a motivational coaching program online.'

"As for the meaning of life, it doesn't have to suck."

'I know it looks silly, but they say his prophecies have regained their old accuracy.'

"I'm referring you to a specialist."

'Oh wise one - what is the secret to long life?'

"I thought I'd be lonely at the top."

Just think of meditation as "mental floss." (Published previously on 3/17/2006.)

The Guru is away to negotiate movie rights for his best-selling book, 'Money Won't Make You Happy'."

Maybe I'd better write a thank you letter for the Last Supper after all