Guru Observer Gifts

'Have you noticed that the gurus get younger every year?'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

At the 2021 Religious Games

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

Guru.

'Wish you wouldn't cut your nails at bedtime!'

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

'I don't give advice. I'm only up here because it's safer.'

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

"You've traveled all this way just to score some pot? Okay—How much do you want?"

'I warned him about thinking the unthinkable!'

'Now, until you've attained perfect wisdom, you'll have to learn to evade questions.'

OM, SWEET OM

'The trouble is, once you've attained enlightenment, it's all downhill.'

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

Bearded old man atop mountain.

Sport, Political, Religious and New Yorker Cartoonist Gurus.

'Come back in two months the meaning of life can change, depending if the market is bullish or bearish.'

'I don't offer any free advice anymore. I am offering a self-help seminar and a motivational coaching program online.'

"As for the meaning of life, it doesn't have to suck."

The Guru is away to negotiate movie rights for his best-selling book, 'Money Won't Make You Happy'."

'See what happens when meditation isn't supervised?'

"Things will get bad... then there will be an election... then things will get worse."

"I'm referring you to a specialist."

'Sometimes I think about getting away from all this and get a job as a cab driver in New York city...'

Changes in the economic policy of the state.

'I know it looks silly, but they say his prophecies have regained their old accuracy.'

Just think of meditation as "mental floss." (Published previously on 3/17/2006.)

"This guy looks like he's really out of touch."

First you say I should "know thyself" and then you tell me to extinguish my ego!

'Oh wise one - what is the secret to long life?'

Sing along with Mueller