Guru Appreciator T-Shirts

"The first step toward enlightenment is dissillusionment."

'Oh, I'm not a guru -- I'm just up here on the advice of my tax accountant.'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

At the 2021 Religious Games

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

Thank you bubbles

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

Guru.

'Wish you wouldn't cut your nails at bedtime!'

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

'I don't give advice. I'm only up here because it's safer.'

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

"You've traveled all this way just to score some pot? Okay—How much do you want?"

'I warned him about thinking the unthinkable!'

Greeting card section: 'thank you' and 'you're welcome'.

'Now, until you've attained perfect wisdom, you'll have to learn to evade questions.'

OM, SWEET OM

'The trouble is, once you've attained enlightenment, it's all downhill.'

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

Bearded old man atop mountain.

Sport, Political, Religious and New Yorker Cartoonist Gurus.

'Come back in two months the meaning of life can change, depending if the market is bullish or bearish.'

'I don't offer any free advice anymore. I am offering a self-help seminar and a motivational coaching program online.'

'I know it looks silly, but they say his prophecies have regained their old accuracy.'

"I'm referring you to a specialist."

'See what happens when meditation isn't supervised?'

Maybe I'd better write a thank you letter for the Last Supper after all

'Oh wise one - what is the secret to long life?'

'Sometimes I think about getting away from all this and get a job as a cab driver in New York city...'

The Guru is away to negotiate movie rights for his best-selling book, 'Money Won't Make You Happy'."