Guru Admirer T-Shirts

Do not ask if you are truly hitting yourself. Rather, ask why are you hitting yourself, why are you hitting yourself. Guru Brothers.

'Which politicians are the most trustworthy?', 'The ones on postage stamps.'

'I don't care about truth or enlightenment. Can you tell me how to catch my tail?'

"It's worth a try! Maybe someone up there knows how to fold a fitted bedsheet!"

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

At the 2021 Religious Games

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

Guru.

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

'I don't give advice. I'm only up here because it's safer.'

'Wish you wouldn't cut your nails at bedtime!'

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

"You've traveled all this way just to score some pot? Okay—How much do you want?"

'Now, until you've attained perfect wisdom, you'll have to learn to evade questions.'

'I warned him about thinking the unthinkable!'

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

'The trouble is, once you've attained enlightenment, it's all downhill.'

OM, SWEET OM

Bearded old man atop mountain.

Sport, Political, Religious and New Yorker Cartoonist Gurus.

'Come back in two months the meaning of life can change, depending if the market is bullish or bearish.'

"As for the meaning of life, it doesn't have to suck."

'I don't offer any free advice anymore. I am offering a self-help seminar and a motivational coaching program online.'

Investment Guru/Lifestyle Guru/Tech Guru/Fashion Guru

"Things will get bad... then there will be an election... then things will get worse."

"I thought I'd be lonely at the top."

Just think of meditation as "mental floss." (Published previously on 3/17/2006.)

'See what happens when meditation isn't supervised?'

First you say I should "know thyself" and then you tell me to extinguish my ego!

"I'm referring you to a specialist."