Guru Admirer Pillows

'Which politicians are the most trustworthy?', 'The ones on postage stamps.'

'I don't care about truth or enlightenment. Can you tell me how to catch my tail?'

"It's worth a try! Maybe someone up there knows how to fold a fitted bedsheet!"

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

At the 2021 Religious Games

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

Guru.

'Wish you wouldn't cut your nails at bedtime!'

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

'I don't give advice. I'm only up here because it's safer.'

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

"You've traveled all this way just to score some pot? Okay—How much do you want?"

'I warned him about thinking the unthinkable!'

'The trouble is, once you've attained enlightenment, it's all downhill.'

OM, SWEET OM

'Now, until you've attained perfect wisdom, you'll have to learn to evade questions.'

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

Bearded old man atop mountain.

Sport, Political, Religious and New Yorker Cartoonist Gurus.

'Come back in two months the meaning of life can change, depending if the market is bullish or bearish.'

'I don't offer any free advice anymore. I am offering a self-help seminar and a motivational coaching program online.'

'Sometimes I think about getting away from all this and get a job as a cab driver in New York city...'

"Things will get bad... then there will be an election... then things will get worse."

The Guru is away to negotiate movie rights for his best-selling book, 'Money Won't Make You Happy'."

'Oh wise one - what is the secret to long life?'

'I know it looks silly, but they say his prophecies have regained their old accuracy.'

Investment Guru/Lifestyle Guru/Tech Guru/Fashion Guru

"I'm referring you to a specialist."

"I thought I'd be lonely at the top."

'See what happens when meditation isn't supervised?'