Spiritual Guru Admirer Pillows

'No kidding? -- I'm an ex-Catholic myself!'

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

'He was just saying that all things come to him who waits and, sure enough, along came a lightning bolt.'

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

'I'm a perfect little angel while I'm asleep. It's being awake that causes me trouble.'

'I don't give advice. I'm only up here because it's safer.'

Sport, Political, Religious and New Yorker Cartoonist Gurus.

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

'I don't offer any free advice anymore. I am offering a self-help seminar and a motivational coaching program online.'

Credulity, Superstition and Fanaticism.

'I need to tell Edgar...our house sold for a million two.'

'I know it looks silly, but they say his prophecies have regained their old accuracy.'

First you say I should "know thyself" and then you tell me to extinguish my ego!

"I'm referring you to a specialist."

"Blessed are they who blow out birthday cakes candles, for they shall be de-lighted."

No Skateboard. No Slouching.

"The Great Source keeps afloat, along with a little help from the sharks there."

'My guru thinks you're nuts.'

"The first step toward enlightenment is dissillusionment."

'Your late husband requests a status up date on how his stocks are doing...'

Do not ask if you are truly hitting yourself. Rather, ask why are you hitting yourself, why are you hitting yourself. Guru Brothers.

Valentine for Guru.

Church of divine healing - Emergency Room.

Sea of Galilee - Please Do Not Walk On The Water.

"It's worth a try! Maybe someone up there knows how to fold a fitted bedsheet!"

"And thanks to you, I have to buy myself a brand new lucky tie!"

"Teach a man to fish, and he'll know how to fish."

"I'd love to, but I have a million lonely ritualistic things I need to do."

"Don't patronize me. Nobody cares what I think anymore. Go ask Dr. Phil."

'If your guru business is slow, do what I did. Get a professional website presence on the Internet. That's how you found me, right?'

'Yes...I found the light. Unfortunately it was that little one in the refrigerator.'

Dial-A-Prayer and Dial-A-Mantra

"Whoa, whoa, big guy with all your ‘meaning of life’ mumbo jumbo—I just want my kid to pick up her room."

Angel ties a blindfold on a jet

Questions for the wise one.