Guru Follower Pillows

'Don't trust him David - he's an authority figure.'

"Don't patronize me. Nobody cares what I think anymore. Go ask Dr. Phil."

'I don't offer any free advice anymore. I am offering a self-help seminar and a motivational coaching program online.'

'Be true to yourself in all things.'

"I'm referring you to a specialist."

'I don't give advice. I'm only up here because it's safer.'

'I know it looks silly, but they say his prophecies have regained their old accuracy.'

'My guru thinks you're nuts.'

'I'm on my break right now -- can you come back next February?'

"What goes boom, must go bust."

Ed's ongoing spiritual journey of self-discovery has led him to yet another stint in prison.

"You want some words of wisdom? Next time, take the elevator!"

"Wow. He really does know the meaning of life. Too bad it won't fit on a bumper sticker."

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

At the 2021 Religious Games

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

Guru.

'Wish you wouldn't cut your nails at bedtime!'

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

"You've traveled all this way just to score some pot? Okay—How much do you want?"

'The trouble is, once you've attained enlightenment, it's all downhill.'

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

OM, SWEET OM

'Now, until you've attained perfect wisdom, you'll have to learn to evade questions.'

'I warned him about thinking the unthinkable!'

Bearded old man atop mountain.

Sport, Political, Religious and New Yorker Cartoonist Gurus.

'Come back in two months the meaning of life can change, depending if the market is bullish or bearish.'

'Some of you may have heard that Dr. Weil is giving HIS talk right now in the next auditorium.'