Guru-lover Pillows

'Remember: our guru always said that when his mission on Earth was finished, he would be taken away by the Blue Beings...'

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

At the 2021 Religious Games

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

"You're solemates!"

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

"How do I love thee….? Let me count the ways…" "I'm going to want a recount."

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

Words of Love

Guru.

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

I'm putting all my eggs in one basket.

"Listen to me, Nathan. Chicks love bad boys."

'It WAS rather unkind of you to hide his bottle-opener, Mrs Jones.'

'Wish you wouldn't cut your nails at bedtime!'

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

'I don't give advice. I'm only up here because it's safer.'

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

The Love Psychologists

' You're wonderful.' 'I know.'

An evening with Stanley Bucholtz, relationship MD,,,tonight: 'Just ONE evening,,,'

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

"You've traveled all this way just to score some pot? Okay—How much do you want?"

'The trouble is, once you've attained enlightenment, it's all downhill.'

OM, SWEET OM

'I warned him about thinking the unthinkable!'

Tunnel of Love and the Tunnel of Mutual Respect and Admiration.

"I feel I'm losing touch with the unrealistic view I have of him."

"And, finally, do you, Don, or do you, Allison, have a problem with any of this?"

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"