Gumshoe Follower T-Shirts

Dashiell Hammett

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

Sign in tree from bird "next appearance 3:00 pm"

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

Wanted For Bird Watching: Reward

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"Why the gumboots? Well, I can't stand slimy things touching my feet..."

Mystery of the Poets

'I don't give advice. I'm only up here because it's safer.'

'I don't offer any free advice anymore. I am offering a self-help seminar and a motivational coaching program online.'

Strange man has a nose monocle.

'I know it looks silly, but they say his prophecies have regained their old accuracy.'

Man sees half-eaten 'Do Not Feed the Bears' sign

First you say I should "know thyself" and then you tell me to extinguish my ego!

"I'm referring you to a specialist."

'That isn't true Mrs. Jones, I can find my ass with both hands. And if you want me to prove it, it'll be $150.00 a day, plus expenses.'

'Act your shoe size, not your age.'

Our busy Sundays are Christmas, Easter and hurricane season.

'My guru thinks you're nuts.'

Detective Dinkins always made sure suspects knew how good he was at getting them to talk.

'The name's Victoria. I was told I could find a gumshoe here.'

'I let Facebook and My-Space do most of the leg work. I just park outside houses wearing a trilby.'

'Say, this is interesting.'

"Don't patronize me. Nobody cares what I think anymore. Go ask Dr. Phil."

Torn between taking the advice in her hiking manual and her impulse to help, Morgan Hirschi is frozen with indecision.

"You'll sit in a duck blind in freezing rain all day, but won't take a vitamin unless it's a cherry-flavored gummy chewable."

'He knows if you've been good or bad - based on how many friends and followers you have.'

A cell tower? I can't believe old Goopta sold out like that!

"Wow. He really does know the meaning of life. Too bad it won't fit on a bumper sticker."

"Never go grocery shopping on an empty stomach. And never go shopping for shoes on a full credit card."

"What goes boom, must go bust."

'Don't trust him David - he's an authority figure.'

'Just a second. I've got a call on telepathic waiting.'

'I'm on my break right now -- can you come back next February?'

"Oh, fabulous. I see that my cult is here again tonight."