Gum Connoisseur Gifts

12 year-old boy sticks gum on 1.5 million dollar painting,

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"He's a guard dog."

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

'It's our own consumer confidence test. Throw some nickels out and if they're picked up in 5 minutes confidence is really low!'

Chocolate Shop

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

'I've had the place gob-stopper-dashed.'

A hammer in his den enjoying a cigar and port with his collection of trophy thumbs above his head.

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

Surprised chicken: 'I know. I can't believe it either.'

"OK, now another guy found a feather in his soup! One of you is molting, and I need to know who!"

Dog Walker

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

'Take me to you lieder.'

Kid blowing bubble takes off.

"Kid gloves, Hernandez. You gotta use kid gloves!"

Knickerless Cage.

'I thought I would rent it out for the extra dough.'

The dark side of Halloween.

Shaved Ice

Bubble Gum Dispenser

Secret sweetie drawer...

"If you dress in a costume that they can't figure out, they feel guilty and give you more candy."

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

Allergy Information: May contain traces of nuts, soya, child bones.

Lawyer's baby first word: whiplash!

"Every Thursday I do her nails."

"Humiliation is a very important part of the the process, Mr. Keifer."

"That damn dog's scratching again!"

'Well it's too bad you're not a black widow like me, Slyvia...'