Nose Connoisseur Gifts

'Mmm...it's got a good nose on it.'

'The suspense is killing us. Which one is our grandchild?'

Bathroom Fairy

Cheese Secret

"I'm thinking considerably longer. How about you, Alan?"

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

'I grow all our tomatoes. I grow all our spinach. All you do is complain about the cost of my twice weekly manicures.'

Eventual Motion Machine

At Mary Higgins Clark's book club.

"He's just come back from a 'managing stress' course...He learnt all sorts of strategies for dealing with pressure...maybe he could show us some of them if he ever wakes up."

'I don't know why babies always want to pull my nose.'

A lot of attention gets paid to the Earl of Sandwich, and rightfully so, but let's not forget to show some respect for that neglected Lord of Lunch, the Viscount of Potato Salad.

Maternity nurse presenting newborn baby with big nose to father with big nose.

'I used to have serfs, but I've found that free-range peasants are more efficient.'

"Reduce my ears? No, I want to make my nose bigger!"

Plastic Surgeon Kid

"That's a nice little book. It didn't waste too much of my time."

"Your best bet is photoshop."

'Let's be frank. Perky isn't right for you.'

Plastic surgeon's here.

"It means I don’t give a flying fuck."

Pinocchio finally takes the plunge.

Man: 'Could you do something about these glasses? They keep slipping down the bridge of my nose.'

"Oops."

My nose is dripping like a tap!

"I haven't read them all but I've read enough to get the general idea."

'Just relax! Vince is the best nose man in all of boxing. He'll have it back where it belongs in no time.'

'Now that's what I call a Roman nose!'

"Mr Sinclair, rhinoplastry is an art. Our first step is to spend some time on the grindstone."

"I've mainly been working on my nose."

`"...wouldn't it be easier to ask the cartoonist of this strip to draw you a more decent nose?"

A head and shoulders of a little man

"Thanks for straightening out his teeth.Now, can you do anything about his hunch?'

"A John Barrymore nose wouldn't be a problem, but I'm afraid the fact that you've been designated a landmark would."

"Our mistress is a florist you see, so it's fun to sniff her when she gets home to guess which flowers are in season..."