Gum Aficionado Gifts

'Ooooh! Look at this everybody... apparently Mikey here got called up!'

"Here...use this. It's not his time yet."

"It looks like Ted is out of gumballs... meeting adjourned."

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

Zombie standup

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

"What's a patent?"

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

Easter Island legs

"Cat box"

Love at First Sight

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

"Of all the buildings I've designed, it's probably the most handsome."

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

The Fourth Little Pig

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

"That's not how I sat on you."

"Congratulations, Amruk. You prove they do exist."

"All natural snow cones for sale."

The Ferocious Viking Wiener Dog

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

"They're so adorable at that age!"

Cut Price

What did I tell you about covering your bottom when you sneeze?

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

Cow jumping over the moonshine.