Gum Collector Gifts

'This is where I keep my gum.'

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

Women's Bonnets Block the Audience View

'Bert's dog training.'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

An Unexpected Guest.

Silence of the Chickens...

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

"Beanirrito"

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

Cake Free Zone

"Eat me"

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

Jazz is Invented

Bubble gum leaves

A 'Falling Rock' and a 'Deer Crossing' zone.

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

'Awesome mummy costume!' 'I'm a pirate! Some kids just TPed me...'

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

I love the Shard

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

"Sis, my teacher said to list the four food groups. . . but I can only think of three. Cookies, candy and ice cream!"

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

Man falls in water Title: 'Willis was always an overachiever.'

Easter Island Shades...

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

Scarf puts hat back on.

A watch face with Stonehenge

The Tale of the Tape of the Tail.