Guitar Soloist Extraodinaire Gifts

Air catarrh.

Profit

"Look, a bug!"

"By the way, the failing grades you'll be seeing-they won't be virtual."

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

Heading off with a packed bag

EXTROVERTS ANONYMOUS

Thumbing a Lift.

The Airport.

Help wanted!...Ace Software, Inc...Video Game Tournament...Top 5 players get hired!

Science Lab. I have to work late, dear --- I spent most of the day going the wrong way.

"We've done everything in this book, and more. There's nothing left."

Teenage Angst.

'Let me through, let me through, I'm a computer geek.'

Easter Island Tours. Theories differ. Ernie believes they were used to display a selection of giant wigs.

"Fred, just how remote is this remote fishing spot of yours?"

'Pause your games, kids! There's a high fly ball deep to center field!'

Counsel for the prosecution makes its closing argument in mime court.

"Darren Eggleston. I saw that!"

'The good news is that all the teachers liked the weekend brainstorming retreat. The bad news is that twelve of them are out today with splitting headaches.'

"Any missed assignments can be excused only with a note from your internet service provider."

Confusing directions.

"Blood sweat and tears. I think it's supposed to make us feel guilty."

Tourist Directions

'I give all my new teachers the same advice. Never minimize the transformative power of a smile attached to your words.'

'Teacher says I don't pay attention, I have no retention but I'm great at detention.'

Hey, wow, Trevor's found a way to trainspot on the internet.

"It's confusing, son, but I'll try to explain: A nerd is a dork who's headed for college. A wonk is a nerd with one or more Ph.D.s. And then there' s the Uber-Wonk, like Daddy, who gets interviewed on TV all the time!"

"I just always show up to everything!"

The Little Top.

"There are thirty four children in my class...thirty one naughty, three nice."

"Enjoy it while you can, kid. It's a really short hop from 'Geek Genius' to 'Quasi-Creepy, Weird-Looking Old Rich Guy!'"

"What A Party."

'It says, the higher a man's I.Q., the longer he's a virgin... well, bud... here's your Nobel Prize nomination!'

"The transcranial magnetic stimulation headband lets me feel my victims' suffering."