Guinness Book Aficionado T-Shirts

'The human speed endurance record holder is here to see you.'

"Meet The Author"

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

Charles Darwin Book Signing.

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

"Wait, wait, back up, back up. Who the #!@! is George Orwell?"

Frontispiece to 'Dombey and Son'

Ironing Punctuation

My Literary Influences

Graffiti artists signs his memoirs in bookshop.

'He speaks for our entire generation. Pity he's such a bore...'

'Oh no! Is this a blogger I saw before me?'

Editor.

"Your appendix is fine. It's your glossary I'm worried about."

'Excellent job, Fenwick, especially the part where you employ Magic Realism to fudge third-quarter earnings!'

"You have to pick the places you don't walk away from."—Joan Didion, Penny, Joan Didion.

'Ignore them, Charlie. They're nothing but philistines. I liked your poetry, truly I did!'

A vicar is reading 'The Great Begatsby' written by Abraham.

'Sorry, we can't offer you a job but we would like to publish your CV.'

"You'd be angry, too, if your alter ego was a successful physician."

'Publshing Books for Dummies.'

'I don't know whether to put it in for the Turner Prize or go for the Poet Laureate.'

"Well, the falcon cannot hear the falconer, but the rough beast found a piece of string so I don't know where that leaves us."

Library

The joy of sects.

'Do you have this in a smaller size?'