Guinness Book Aficionado Mugs

'The human speed endurance record holder is here to see you.'

"Meet The Author"

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

Stephen Spender.

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

Gunter Grass

Charles Darwin Book Signing.

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

Noel Coward.

Sherlock Holmes Museum: No Hounds.

"Wait, wait, back up, back up. Who the #!@! is George Orwell?"

"Commandments aren't really selling these days. However, we're willing to consider self-help tips or personal improvement ideas."

Graffiti artists signs his memoirs in bookshop.

'He speaks for our entire generation. Pity he's such a bore...'

Ironing Punctuation

My Literary Influences

Frontispiece to 'Dombey and Son'

'According to this, you owe $57.32 in late fees for the book 'Getting By on a Shoestring Budget'.'

'Oh no! Is this a blogger I saw before me?'

Editor.

"Your appendix is fine. It's your glossary I'm worried about."

'Excellent job, Fenwick, especially the part where you employ Magic Realism to fudge third-quarter earnings!'

'How about having at least one character who's alive and wearing clothes?'

"Well, the falcon cannot hear the falconer, but the rough beast found a piece of string so I don't know where that leaves us."

"You have to pick the places you don't walk away from."—Joan Didion, Penny, Joan Didion.

Library

'I don't know whether to put it in for the Turner Prize or go for the Poet Laureate.'

'Ignore them, Charlie. They're nothing but philistines. I liked your poetry, truly I did!'

"You'd be angry, too, if your alter ego was a successful physician."

A vicar is reading 'The Great Begatsby' written by Abraham.

'Sorry, we can't offer you a job but we would like to publish your CV.'

'Publshing Books for Dummies.'

'Do you have this in a smaller size?'