Publication Aficionados T-Shirts

"We'll have to retract that article. On of our co-authors is the night watchman."

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

"Meet The Author"

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

Gay Times...

'Stuck on a desert island, in the middle of the ocean, with only a palm tree for company, it's a bloody joke.'

Gunter Grass

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

Stephen Spender.

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

Charles Darwin Book Signing.

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

Tequila Mockingbird

Noel Coward.

Sherlock Holmes Museum: No Hounds.

'He speaks for our entire generation. Pity he's such a bore...'

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

My Literary Influences

"Commandments aren't really selling these days. However, we're willing to consider self-help tips or personal improvement ideas."

Frontispiece to 'Dombey and Son'

"Wait, wait, back up, back up. Who the #!@! is George Orwell?"

Ironing Punctuation

'According to this, you owe $57.32 in late fees for the book 'Getting By on a Shoestring Budget'.'

'Oh no! Is this a blogger I saw before me?'

Editor.

"Your appendix is fine. It's your glossary I'm worried about."

'Excellent job, Fenwick, especially the part where you employ Magic Realism to fudge third-quarter earnings!'

'How about having at least one character who's alive and wearing clothes?'

So You've Cloned Yourself

Library

"You'd be angry, too, if your alter ego was a successful physician."

'Ignore them, Charlie. They're nothing but philistines. I liked your poetry, truly I did!'

Thomas Keneally