Guilt-trip Guru Gifts

Nothing. What? Stop looking at me like that. Nothing happened. HOJ. Absolutely nothing! You've sniffed me out. I'll come clean. This should be good.

This is Dr. Sadie, what's your question, caller? I just found out my wife got a bonus at work. But instead of buying gifts for my mother and my six brothers, she flew to Maui and sent me a photo of herself eating a seven-course meal. Stop whining. She's given you the best gift a spouse can give ... Something to hold over her head for the rest of your lives. Well ... There is that, I guess.

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

Tell me about it--last night I ate a whole sleeve of Communion wafers.

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

'This exotic dessert I make is guilt-free. I already burned all the calories running around finding the ingredients!'

"Sugar, trans fats, and an adorable dead baby lamb. Cash back?"

Mom's Diner: I do and do and do for you and what thanks do I get? How about your business? Is that too much to ask?

Humane Mouse Trap "It doesn't kill them,. It just makes them feel really guilty about inconveniencing you."

"You know, you're not just cancelling a magazine subscription. You're stabbing print media in the back!"

'Just stop listening to Public Broadcasting, and your guilt complex should clear right up!'

"We always see a spike after April 15th."

Theories Of Everything: 'Everything would be perfect if I had a dirt bike.'

Introducing...Superegoman!

"Wait a minute. Isn't tonight the water conservation rally?"

Will assuage guilt for money.

'The dietary exchange for this food is 3 days of unrelenting remorse.'

"When I think about my mom, it hurts here."

"Do you really need a resource-sucking, ozone-depleting, planet-killing bag?"

'Every time I come here, it ends up a guilt trip.'

"That does it! I'm going on a diet! Baldo, hide these pastries where I can't find them."

'I strive to remember people's names to make them feel guilty about forgetting mine.'

"This is a charity calling. Please stay on the line for the voice of human kindness."

'I used to be ambitious, but I find it easier to feel guilty about lack of ambition.'

"Whenever I watch the Nature Channel I get survivor's guilt."

"Okay, I feel guilty...you're reading and I'm watching TV."

Woman Browses Section Labeled "Guiltmaking"

"Wow - I didn't know you could put that much guilt into one sentence."

"In spirit I'm an environmentalist. I love my SUV but I do my best to feel as guilty as possible when I drive it."

'I'm going to lay a guilt trip on you, man.'

"Think of how ashamed they'd be if they knew their Father hogged the restroom key."

"Apparently it's a Californian Guilt Transmitter."

"I'm rather fortunate. I have no parents, so Medicare is no problem, and I have no children, so the environment is no problem."

"Man! I hate to think of what the collective guilt adds up to around here!"