Guilt-trip Escapist Gifts

"Wait a minute. Isn't tonight the water conservation rally?"

"Ahhh... close enough."

'Relax, it's just like riding a rollercoaster.'

'See you in two weeks!'

This is Dr. Sadie, what's your question, caller? I just found out my wife got a bonus at work. But instead of buying gifts for my mother and my six brothers, she flew to Maui and sent me a photo of herself eating a seven-course meal. Stop whining. She's given you the best gift a spouse can give ... Something to hold over her head for the rest of your lives. Well ... There is that, I guess.

Cake Escape

"Let's go back to our cabana, get into bed and shop online."

Young Houdini

'Do you ever just feel like getting away from it all?'

"But honey, I've spent my last 30 years pretending to look busy. I can't quit overnight."

Contestants defeated in the ring toss competition head back to the hotel to recharge for a late night nude hot tub partying and 'bootie shakin' erotic cage fetish dancing.

"How to deal with weeds."

Mom's Diner: I do and do and do for you and what thanks do I get? How about your business? Is that too much to ask?

City Dog - 'Big trouble - haven't seen a fire hydrant in hours!'

"He's in a far better place. It's always nice to spend the winter in Miami."

"We always see a spike after April 15th."

Sleeping Tiger

'Trust me, using this cheap perfume to mask our scents is going to confuse the hounds...'

"Hold it, there's someone on my other island!"

'I'm self isolating, you idiot!'

'Truthfully, I never wanted the world to beat a path to my door.'

"How would you feel about a little place in the city, just to get away from all the hunting and gathering?"

Ramblers Association

"No man is an island, but I come pretty damn close."

Man escaping from his scolding wife by inhaling ether

"When I think about my mom, it hurts here."

NO FACILITIES

"One of my suppliers is letting me use his cabin for a few days."

"We seem to get just the one channel."

A man relaxes in a folding chair on the back of a whale.

"Above the ceiling is plenty of duct space, a perfect hideout for when the in-laws visit."

'Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day . . . teach a man to fish and he'll never get any work done.'

Desert Island golf

Sorry, I'm too ill to come in today. More medicine please, nurse.

'You can't live like there's no tomorrow, and then live tomorrow.'