Guardian Reveler Gifts

This town ain't big enough for the both of us, Angel!

"Hold it right there, ma'am! If you get too close to the artwork, I'll have to ask you to leave the gallery."

The Zoo.

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

"Mom, please shake my chair. I'm taking a virtual school bus ride before class begins."

"Tommy!"

"Well, young man... just consider yourself grounded!"

Theorbo

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

'Sure, go ahead! Evolve! It's all the rage, I know! Have fun! I'll just sit here in this murky, primordial soup with nothing but plankton for company. Why should you stay here with your mother? The one who raised you, fed you...'

Joust Sharpener

"My mom programmed my toothbrush to follow me until I use it. It's cruel but effective."

A baby playing on a grand piano

"Look, it's my word balloon."

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

"Young man, go to your room and stay there until your cerebral cortex matures."

"An educational toy is my immediate goal, but my long range plan is to get him on Jeapordy!"

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

'The kids just love doing paint by numbers.'

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

"I say we move on to dessert."

"Next time make up your mind and just pick one!"

'We'll have him back on his feet and under yours in no time!'

"Stop complaining. At least I have parents!"

"I passed the three R's. Now I need some R and R!"

"Sure I used drugs when I was your age, but they were all prescribed for acne."

Musical genres

"Hendrickje, I feel another self-portrait coming on. Bring in the funny hats."

'The trick is to make it look as easy as possible while, underneath, you're paddling like hell.'

"All I ask is a chance to ruin my life in my own way."