Regal Reveler Gifts

"I say we move on to dessert."

"I've decided to take on a more ambassadorial role, here are some leaflets on the importance of humour within the workplace..."

'My feet are killing me.'

Theorbo

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

Joust Sharpener

Tigers brass band, "Tiger rag-that's what it's all about."

"Anything but milk and cookies."

This man is an island.

"Hendrickje, I feel another self-portrait coming on. Bring in the funny hats."

'Enter, His Royal Globalness...'

"Another round?"

Contestants defeated in the ring toss competition head back to the hotel to recharge for a late night nude hot tub partying and 'bootie shakin' erotic cage fetish dancing.

Vitruvian Manatee

Galileo drops ball from Pisa and it goes up.

You ARE entitled to return a meal...But NOT after you've eaten it!!

My own museum.

Christmas with Cats

"Woulda looked cool with a beer in his hand, though." Michelangelo's cousin, Michelobelo

"200,000 other people have also highlighted this passage of the E-book, you common idiot."

'Let him go. We'll catch him in the backstretch. Hippos can run faster than humans, but only in short bursts.'

'You haven't changed a bit Perkins.'

"I didn't think you'd make it through biology."

'One second - wo seconds - three seconds - four seconds -one hour...'

Two inebriated friends meet, one says: 'Hello, I've not seen you since you were this high.'

The ghost of christmas regifting

"Fresh sprinkles for your ice cream?"

'But this can't be what I ordered ... I know I ordered somethng I like.'

'Yeahh...I remember you...You're that...one guy.'

"Let's be realistic. Are we all going to try to keep this party afloat, or should we just go home and forget it?"

'I'm writing a poem -- what rhymes with 'hegemony'?'

Early Photobomb

"Hang on hon. A table with a more expensive tab needs me."

When alcohol and gimmicky restaurants collide.

'That's the problem with absolute power, Sire. It corrupts absolutely. And it always seems to start with the fenders and door panels.'