Ring Reveler Gifts

"Genuine? Of course it's genuine...zirconia."

'My feet are killing me.'

"Trust me, Lew, if anyone knows where the salmon are jumping, she does!"

Theorbo

Joust Sharpener

"He took eight shots on the 19th hole!"

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"I say we move on to dessert."

Easter Egg Delivery

Musical genres

"Hendrickje, I feel another self-portrait coming on. Bring in the funny hats."

'Enter, His Royal Globalness...'

"Another round?"

'Well, I can't find anything in the rule book about it.'

Dave Brubeck

Vitruvian Manatee

Galileo drops ball from Pisa and it goes up.

'Let him go. We'll catch him in the backstretch. Hippos can run faster than humans, but only in short bursts.'

Candles on Drum

"200,000 other people have also highlighted this passage of the E-book, you common idiot."

My own museum.

Christmas with Cats

'You haven't changed a bit Perkins.'

Looks like you put too much dosie in that doe, Earl.

"I didn't think you'd make it through biology."

"Hey! Your phone isn't turned on."

Noel Fever

'One second - wo seconds - three seconds - four seconds -one hour...'

Santana Claus

Two inebriated friends meet, one says: 'Hello, I've not seen you since you were this high.'

Should I be encouraged by your robe, your honor? No. It's just laundry day. Have a nice verdict.

The ghost of christmas regifting

'Yeahh...I remember you...You're that...one guy.'

'I'm writing a poem -- what rhymes with 'hegemony'?'

'What do you think, Pumpkin?'