Guardian Of The Playground Gifts

Lollipop mask

"He likes it."

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

Need a Qualified Adult for Pooh Sticks

"He's a guard dog."

"Helmet, check. Harness, check. Knee and elbow pads, check. You may now push the swing."

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

"Boy, the kids are growing up so fast!"

'Not without your helmet, you're not!'

J. Wilbert Dentist - Sorry We're Open

'Don't forget to take your tranquilizers Daddy, little Jimmy is coming round to play.'

"We like to think he's experimenting with color and form, but his art therapist suggested we're not giving him enough candy."

'Let's play business. I'll be the chairman of the board and you'll work for me and laugh whenever I tell a joke.'

"We've given it a great deal of thought and we decided we're going to give in to everything you want at all times."

Spilled Milk

'I think your son is being bullied. He's suffering 80% Chinese wrist burns.'

'It's good to see Dad keeping his mind active.'

'Polly wants a machine gun.'

'Ok...something, but nothing you'd care about. Honest!'

"If the stock market goes to infinity, would we be able to pay off the national debt?"

"He's allergic to peanuts, sensitive to wheat, lactose-intolerant, and just plain weirded out by fruit."

'Nap time's over, Ms. Doan. You have to wake them up.'

'Isn't it great Darling: The kids are now old enough to have dinner ready when we get home...'

"Are you sure this is in your job description?"

'What do you mean give the boy a house key? He'll lose it, learn how to break in despite our sophisticated security system and be on his way to a life of crime.'

'You couldn't just lock him up somewhere, could you?'

"Er...Eric..."

'So are you going to like fight crime?'

"Stupid bullies. I would try to defend myself – but what if I lose? Who would cover my legal expenses?"

'I don't worry when he calls from the door way or the front steps - only when he starts heading this way.'