Guardian Of The Playground T-Shirts

Lollipop mask

"He likes it."

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

Need a Qualified Adult for Pooh Sticks

"He's a guard dog."

"Helmet, check. Harness, check. Knee and elbow pads, check. You may now push the swing."

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

"Boy, the kids are growing up so fast!"

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

'Don't forget to take your tranquilizers Daddy, little Jimmy is coming round to play.'

J. Wilbert Dentist - Sorry We're Open

'Not without your helmet, you're not!'

"We like to think he's experimenting with color and form, but his art therapist suggested we're not giving him enough candy."

'Let's play business. I'll be the chairman of the board and you'll work for me and laugh whenever I tell a joke.'

'I think your son is being bullied. He's suffering 80% Chinese wrist burns.'

Spilled Milk

"We've given it a great deal of thought and we decided we're going to give in to everything you want at all times."

'It's good to see Dad keeping his mind active.'

'Ok...something, but nothing you'd care about. Honest!'

'Polly wants a machine gun.'

"If the stock market goes to infinity, would we be able to pay off the national debt?"

'Nap time's over, Ms. Doan. You have to wake them up.'

I work all day landscaping. I'm too tired to do all the yard work at home. Teddy, you're big enough to use my power tools. I know exactly who to call for help. Tap tap tap. Not the power tool I was referring to.

The question "Is it safe to be on that thing?" means something different today than it did a year ago.

'Isn't it great Darling: The kids are now old enough to have dinner ready when we get home...'

"Are you sure this is in your job description?"

'What do you mean give the boy a house key? He'll lose it, learn how to break in despite our sophisticated security system and be on his way to a life of crime.'

See, no monster under your bed

"He's allergic to peanuts, sensitive to wheat, lactose-intolerant, and just plain weirded out by fruit."

'You couldn't just lock him up somewhere, could you?'

"Er...Eric..."

'So are you going to like fight crime?'

"Stupid bullies. I would try to defend myself – but what if I lose? Who would cover my legal expenses?"

'I don't worry when he calls from the door way or the front steps - only when he starts heading this way.'

'The kids just get so upset when a pet dies, so we decided to get one of these tortoises that live to be 150.'