Playground Supervisor Gifts

'Not without your helmet, you're not!'

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

'You see, Brad, I'm not just a highly polished career woman.'

"There was no other choice, Mom. It was a double dog dare."

"I don't know why you always have to choose the same hide-and-go-seek hiding spot that I do, Tommy!"

Need a Qualified Adult for Pooh Sticks

'I prefer the term 'whistleblower' to tattletale.'

'Don't forget to take your tranquilizers Daddy, little Jimmy is coming round to play.'

"We tried to play nicely, but frankly it's not as much fun as tormenting each other."

"Tell the truth, Ezra. Does it look like he's being a more effective parent than me?"

'I won't bother to bath Mum, we're playing again tomorrow!'

Fade to black...

'Do you do anything with the old casks?'

'I think your son is being bullied. He's suffering 80% Chinese wrist burns.'

"I know it's the right thing to do, but if we call the cops this sandbox will be tied up for weeks."

'Pay outhouse' with a sign that says, 'Drop 25¢ in can.'

"I'm enjoying kindergarten except for all the politics!"

"Yeah, my mum made me come outside to play as well."

'Oh, look, Billy's found a playmate.'

"I'v got this center-of-the-universe gig."

"Lawsuits must really be getting out of hand."

'The only imaginable solution to this problem is a battle to the death.'

"Listen kid, you may have been a big man on playground."

'I have kindergarten burnout!'

"We're offering twenty million plus incentives over a four-year period, Mrs. Morton. Can Timmy come out and play?"

'I got GI Joe Peace for my birthday.'

"It's no fair playing tag with him. He has a drone."

"Beats me how it works... but if you sit here long enough a little snack pops out."

"We've been admiring your fathering techniques."

Lollipop mask

'Be careful near the jungle jim.'

Caliban Park

"My school day was mixed. Big gains in history class, English was flat, math declined by a quarter-grade, and I took a pounding at recess."