Guaranteed Auctioneer Gifts

'Undamaged, it would have been worth a small fortune...'

"And for lot 27 we have another old tennis ball."

'Going...Going...Gone! Sold to the lady with more money than sense.'

Hamlet's struggle with online shopping addiction. To eBay or not to eBay.

Invisible clothes

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'It's amazing what you can get on e-Bay these days.'

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

Auctioneer: 'Sold to the lady whose husband just walked out!'

An early Picasso painting is sold at auction - it is a painting from when Picasso was a child

"It's a forgery―and a recent one, too."

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

"It's called 'Sold'."

"I got it from eBay."

The Derby- Horse Auction at Tattersall's

Titanic iceberg auction

I think you just paid £5000 for cricket box, not a box at the cricket.

'Greece is up for auction on eBay - and there's no bidders.'

'You bought it - you can lie in it!'

The Battle of the Pictures.

This isn't a good time to see him --- He just got outbid for a soul on eBay. Beelzebub.

"I got the cream, but the bulk of the old lady's estate is going to auction."

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

Moderne Auction Today - This end up!

'Of course, some assembly is required. That's why my bid was so low.'

'Enough EBAY already!'

'Now, what am I bid for this original Ough?'

How much for a blueberry scone? $3.25. I'll give you $1.20. Huh? $1.40. $1.45. It's not negotiable. Shrewd. $1.65. $2.00. $2.10. $2.25, but I want free shipping! Ebay addicts. $3 for your sandwich. $6.

'It sold for how much!'

Leonardo da Vinci painting - $450 million record.

I brake for anything discarded that I can bring to the antiques roadshow.

"... $3 million, I have $3 million. Can I get $4 million? Yes, $4 million ..."

'Actually, I'm here just for the wine and cheese.'

'Now, a real collectable to bid on: a signed first edition of The First History of the World.'