Auction Master Gifts

The president's men

"And for lot 27 we have another old tennis ball."

'Going...Going...Gone! Sold to the lady with more money than sense.'

E-Baying @ The Moon

Invisible clothes

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

Auctioneer: 'Sold to the lady whose husband just walked out!'

"So our agreed strategy is to dominate the market and it creeps profits by 670%. Anybody any idea how to do it?"

"It's called 'Sold'."

"It's a forgery―and a recent one, too."

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

"I got it from eBay."

The Derby- Horse Auction at Tattersall's

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

'Greece is up for auction on eBay - and there's no bidders.'

I think you just paid £5000 for cricket box, not a box at the cricket.

"Let’s run through that scene again with just the table and the lamp."

Titanic iceberg auction

The Battle of the Pictures.

Moderne Auction Today - This end up!

"I got the cream, but the bulk of the old lady's estate is going to auction."

'Of course, some assembly is required. That's why my bid was so low.'

'Enough EBAY already!'

'Now, what am I bid for this original Ough?'

Leonardo da Vinci painting - $450 million record.

I brake for anything discarded that I can bring to the antiques roadshow.

'It sold for how much!'

"... $3 million, I have $3 million. Can I get $4 million? Yes, $4 million ..."

'Now, a real collectable to bid on: a signed first edition of The First History of the World.'