Grumpy Soul Pillows

'I can't eat because I'm on a diet, I can't drink because of my ulcer and I can't be merry because I'm a grouch.'

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

"I do wish Henry could run into someone from the dress business to talk to."

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

Mood swings: Swing 1 - 'Looks like it's going to be another wonderful day!' Swing 2 - 'Who CARES link brain! I hope it rains acid!!' Swing 3 - 'I think i'm going to CRRRY!'

Introverted Chair

'I try to avoid the trap of letting my idleness define me.'

'He lives in a house, and it's by the side of the road, but he's still not a friend to man.'

Moanathon.

"I want some flowers that say 'Here, have some friggin' flowers.'"

'To be honest, you're the only one who sometimes bothers to hear my complaints.'

"To be perfectly honest, Tarquin, I get fed up listening to your stories about 'the good old days'."

I brought your coffee and a list of new things about the world you're going to have to learn to accept

'FQ...?'

"Being in the now today sure ain't like the good ol' now!"

"But a deep sense of grievance and indignation IS my Happy Place."

Moan Pig.

Pissed-off hour.

"It's armageddon week on TV. The death of hope always lightens his mood."

'I've had it with your bright, sunny, upbeat...'

'Face it Marvin, you're a madstrom of conflicting emotions.'

'The problem with politics is politicians!'

It was only a matter of time until Gertrude turned into a grumpy cat.

Bakery Window: Cross Buns and Cross Gingerbread Men!

'Not now - I'm under a lot of atmospheric pressure.'

'Mrs Gridlington doesn't like being referred to as 'duck' or 'dearie'...so I just call her 'the old trout'!'

Have A Nice Day (piss off)

'Looks like somebody woke up on the wrong side of the street this morning.'

'Well, Mr. Grumpy, who got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?'

"I'm way past mid-life crisis and knee-deep in old age rage!"

The Ultimate Pessimist: "The glass is half empty and what's in it is toxic."

"I'm sitting here going over all my troubles in my mind..."

Ex-hippie-now-staunch-Republican Herb Miller's freak flag keeps on flying, much to his chagrin.

'Always arguing, questioning, no patience, no respect for authority...'

Matched pair