Grumpy Granny Pillows

'Mrs Gridlington doesn't like being referred to as 'duck' or 'dearie'...so I just call her 'the old trout'!'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"I do wish Henry could run into someone from the dress business to talk to."

Mood swings: Swing 1 - 'Looks like it's going to be another wonderful day!' Swing 2 - 'Who CARES link brain! I hope it rains acid!!' Swing 3 - 'I think i'm going to CRRRY!'

Meeting at the Grumpy Old Men's Pub.

"Oh my God with the singing!"

'I try to avoid the trap of letting my idleness define me.'

Moanathon.

"I want some flowers that say 'Here, have some friggin' flowers.'"

"If you're going out, pick up some candles."

'To be honest, you're the only one who sometimes bothers to hear my complaints.'

"To be perfectly honest, Tarquin, I get fed up listening to your stories about 'the good old days'."

'Sunnyside down.'

I brought your coffee and a list of new things about the world you're going to have to learn to accept

"Tuna on rye, hold the smile."

'FQ...?'

"Stop moaning - you'll ruin our weekend away..."

'Quick, the coffee!'

Beware of Curmudgeon!

"Being in the now today sure ain't like the good ol' now!"

'No.'

"'Ere! I've been readin' about you in the paper. Winnin' £10 million's made you sad, lonely an' bitter!"

Pissed-off hour.

'The problem with politics is politicians!'

Moan Pig.

"No more cross buns for you!"

"I'm way past mid-life crisis and knee-deep in old age rage!"

'Well, Mr. Grumpy, who got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?'

Have A Nice Day (piss off)

'I'm not here!'

'I'll kill that dog of yours.'

"OK. You're the Ghost of Christmas Present. Quite amusing. Now go away!"