Grumps And Grouches Gifts

'Thanks to talk radio, he can argue all by himself.'

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

Broken Alarm Clock.

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

Vaccinating Death

'Wait! That's not one of your novelty slippers...that's the cat!'

'Did you use mouthwash this morning?'

"I know it's tough to get motivated on Mondays, but..."

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

'Misery is sleeping in late on Saturday morning then realizing it's only Wednesday...'

I am coffee and I need more coffee

'This may be the only time I'll ever bring you breakfast in bed - So wake up!'

"I much prefer the evening milking to the morning one: The farmer is not a "morning person", now is he?"

Everyone at happy hour is grumpy.

'Bonny, I've forgotten...What time is that 9 o'clock meeting tomorrow?...'

The morning show for people who HATE mornings

I'm going to hate myself in the morning, but I hate everything in the morning.

'If you get one who refuses to wake up, pour it in his lap.'

"Dang it."

Alarm clock.

"I told the carol singers where to go in no uncertain terms, so that's saved us some money!"

"And a 'good morning' to you, too"

'Please don't say a word to me until my coffee gets right...about...here.

"He just woke up from hibernation."

"Mummy's a bit grisly in the mornings. But after something to eat and a little nap, she's quite pleasant."

Time stood still – which made it an easy target.

'Honey, remind me why we switched to decaf.'

"And to my brother, who I promised to mention in my will, 'Hi Grumpy'!"