Grumps And Grouches Pillows

'Thanks to talk radio, he can argue all by himself.'

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

Broken Alarm Clock.

'Wait! That's not one of your novelty slippers...that's the cat!'

Vaccinating Death

'Did you use mouthwash this morning?'

You have the worst spring breath.

"I know it's tough to get motivated on Mondays, but..."

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

'Misery is sleeping in late on Saturday morning then realizing it's only Wednesday...'

'I hate surprises!'

I am coffee and I need more coffee

'This may be the only time I'll ever bring you breakfast in bed - So wake up!'

"I much prefer the evening milking to the morning one: The farmer is not a "morning person", now is he?"

Buzz. Go away. Buzz buzz. I'm up! The alarm clock always wants it more than you do.

Everyone at happy hour is grumpy.

'You only love me because you haven't got a boyfriend!'

'Bonny, I've forgotten...What time is that 9 o'clock meeting tomorrow?...'

Mr. Cranky Pants Plants A Garden Part 2

The morning show for people who HATE mornings

'If you get one who refuses to wake up, pour it in his lap.'

I'm going to hate myself in the morning, but I hate everything in the morning.

"Dang it."

Alarm clock.

"I told the carol singers where to go in no uncertain terms, so that's saved us some money!"

"Mummy's a bit grisly in the mornings. But after something to eat and a little nap, she's quite pleasant."

"And a 'good morning' to you, too"

'Please don't say a word to me until my coffee gets right...about...here.

Time stood still – which made it an easy target.

"He just woke up from hibernation."

'Sounds like someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.' 'Ahhhhhh!'

'Honey, remind me why we switched to decaf.'