Gruesome Humor Lover Pillows

Football player has head instead of ball.

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

Pet Cemetery.

"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

Grumpy old merry men.

"Don't worry, he's improving. We'll have him up and cursing the government again."

Vampire shaving cut dilemma.

'Life is like a box of chocolate laxatives!' - Forest Grump

'I swear I didn't know you'd heard that joke before...'

'Would Sir care for a hot towel?'

I think he must have been in marketing before --- He's all about branding.

"Listen, I'm not going to keep letting you in and out all day."

Clown looks nervously at Grim Reaper eating a banana next to him.

'I just figure out why this house isn't selling.'

Lady to tombstone: 'Sam, I invested all of your money in an IPO last week ... we're millionaires!'

"I recommend the mushrooms."

A boast of ghosts

"He might be moody, but he's the best in the city...and worth every penny!"

"When's the last time you flossed?"

Larry's Lawnmower Service. Relax, he comes in every spring to get his blade sharpened.

"Actually, lactose is the only thing Herb isn't intolerant of."

Adult Magician

"Sometimes, on days like this, I feel like the world is conspiring to make me happy."

'Well Mrs. Henson, form the looks of this place, egg stacking, children claw marks, chicken blood graffiti, egg splat everywhere, I'd have to say this is the work of a poultry geist!'

'Self-help books for cynics'

"Just as I expected, Mrs Frimley. You've got vampires."

"You took your time!"

"Okay, who wants a wrap, who gets a steak and who's the fish?"

"He's learning how to mutter in Spanish

Wait, it turns out you're allergic to brains? I knew it! Old Married Zombie Couple.

"As you can see, this front will continue for quite some time."

A vein of vampires

'Thanks for all your hard work.'