Gruel Gourmet T-Shirts

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

The wonderful world of cheese.

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

Beach Barbecue

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

To do before Saturday...

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

"Pizza sounds wonderful. Italian, Greek or Hipster?"

French wine

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

Too much cilantro

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

"Can you romance me after my tiramisu?"

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."