Grease Gourmet T-Shirts

'Whatever fast food - fried stuff, fat, sugar, salt for the 'Doesn't Bother Me' person'.

'It's supposed to look and smell greasy.'

'It's the same as our regular Angels hair pasta, but with extra grease.'

"I'm using this travel site to map out a trip to the land of Everything's Deep Fat Fried."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

To do before Saturday...

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

Too much cilantro

The Main Types of Cheese

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

'Is this still America?'

Holiday Supplies

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

Cheese

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

Axle greaseMarine greaseElbow grease .

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

'Cooking'

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."