Garlic Gourmet T-Shirts

"His bark is worse than his bite. He eats garlic."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

To do before Saturday...

The Main Types of Cheese

Too much cilantro

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

Kitchen Kapers

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

Queen of Quinoa

His Her Cakes

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

'Is this still America?'

The Origins of Everything

Holiday Supplies

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

Cheese

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

"Now, in contrast to the last olive oil you tasted, this one is infused with sixty-five more dollars."