Grazing Gourmet T-Shirts

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

The wonderful world of cheese.

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"Everything on our menu uses organic, locally sourced, graveyard-to-table ingredients."

Beach Barbecue

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Too much cilantro

The Main Types of Cheese

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

To do before Saturday...

Queen of Quinoa

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

"This is locally grown and good for the environment, but it may give you greenhouse gas."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

Holiday Supplies

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

Cheese

'Is this still America?'

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"