Grazing Gourmet T-Shirts

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

The wonderful world of cheese.

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

Beach Barbecue

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"Everything on our menu uses organic, locally sourced, graveyard-to-table ingredients."

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

Queen of Quinoa

The Main Types of Cheese

Too much cilantro

Tarzan of the Grapes.

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

To do before Saturday...

"This is locally grown and good for the environment, but it may give you greenhouse gas."

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

Cheese

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

Holiday Supplies

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

'Is this still America?'

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.