Gourmet Ghoul T-Shirts

'Would sir like to start with the hors d'oeuvres, or just go to the main corpse?'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

To do before Saturday...

"Pizza sounds wonderful. Italian, Greek or Hipster?"

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

Too much cilantro

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

The Main Types of Cheese

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

"Can you romance me after my tiramisu?"

'I think I'll go home and eat'