Group Dining Giggles Gifts

Women's Synchronized Peeing

'A cheeky red?'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

'4 Jello desserts - and, for the love of God, please make them all the same color.' (at restaurant with three kids)

"Give my compliments to the Biotech industry"

"What would you recommend pairing with the school of cod fish?"

'Thanks for inviting me to dinner - it's really great!'

"If you liked tonight's meal, you might enjoy 'Making The Meal,' a documentary with outtakes and commentary when the cook ran out of eggs because someone put an empty carton back in the refrigerator..."

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

"What fly?"

"Please be advised that our new chef's policy is that you're not allowed to leave until you've finished all the food on your plate."

"We'll get your food going as soon as the exterminators are done in the kitchen."

Husband dismayed to get cold mutton for dinner again. Wife comments that someone must be economical on the housekeeping money she is given.

"I'm a vegan. I don't know what made me order a cheeseburger. Maybe I've got the flesh eating disease."

"Who do you think you're fooling, Henry, smelling the cork and tasting the wine? The only wine you ever buy comes in a box!"

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

"Pardon me, but I couldn’t help noticing how well-behaved your children are. May I ask which medications they’re on?"

"To save everyone from suffering in polite restraint, I shall eat the last slice."

"I'm NOT pontificating!"

"I'm warning you - peas and carrots are gateway vegetables."

'The house wine sir.'

"Jakey's not a huge fan of spicier dishes, but we do want him to know what's out there."

'OK that's ten pieces of silver each, except for Judas...you had the Greek salad and the cheese platter, so you owe thirty pieces of silver.'

"I don't know, sweetheart. Perhaps Daddy can tell us if chickens have souls."

'I highly recommend the mousecargot.'

'There must be some mistake -- Kings don't pay for things.'

At The Skinny Customer Restaurant

Lady playing with bread at the dinner table

'Dinner will be ready soon - we're going to try sushi tonight.'

"This Thanksgiving, we're going to serve whatever we can get from the food bank."

'Excellent grape jelly, Mother -- I detect Macabeo, Arinto, Rotgipfler, and just a hint of Hondarrabi Zuri.'

'Ryan, the idea is to eat food of each other's body, not our own.'

Cat is curious about food.

'No termites, no grubs, no leaves... What kind of crazy restaurant is this?'