Grocery Shopping Adventurer Gifts

Fairy Tales in Pandemic Time

'And here on our left you see the sugary cereal aisle...a real crowd pleaser!'

'I'm on a very strict diet!'

Mmmm...not bad. And no diet slop aftertaste!

"Turns out the new tomato gene is contagious."

Domestic Superheroes!!

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'No Renee, not until you get two degrees, pass a rigorous physical, and beat out thousands of other qualified individuals.'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

Twenty-first century baby walker

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

Important Food Groups

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great beers for under $4.00 a six-pack.'

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

Dad Trophies

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

Only One Item or Fewer.

"Wait, what are you doing?"

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

"Everything's gone up."

'I love this supermarket; they have the easiest to understand wine department.'

Witches Checkout.

"I know I should have gotten a cart, but I can't give up now."

Unusual Offers

'Diet considerations.'

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

'I decided to start buying food in bulk. I hope you're hungry!'

Apple section of supermarket - 'Granny Smith's'.

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'