Grocery Adventurer Gifts

Safe Social Distancing - Pirate Treasure Hunt

'No Renee, not until you get two degrees, pass a rigorous physical, and beat out thousands of other qualified individuals.'

Try to guess the continent dining...

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

Before/After

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

Holiday Supplies

I wish I'd had the review.

"You've ordered comfort food. May I recommend a comfort wine?"

"I don’t know, Margaret. She looks like the type who makes exotic stuffings."

"I think foie gras is French for endless buffet."

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"It's a Haiku Dinner."

"They won't even try their palate cleansers!"

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"I think the 'Exotic Recipe' diet will make me lose weight. I'm running all over town trying to find the ingredients!"

"Who ordered the moose en croute?"

Platter confusion.

"We can hit any creperie you want, sonny boy."

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

'May I suggest a pleasant viognier to put the subtext into gear?'

'Do we have any alligator pears?'

"Put out the Asian sates, the Russian blinis, and the Mexican bean dips, while whip up something Korean."

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

Ethnic food springing out of a menu.

"It's a combination of pizza and sushi and taco and egg roll and...it's just something everyone loves."

"Our sommelier - years of experience in French urinals."

Spaghetti Road

Decaying corpse