Grief Dramatizer Gifts

"Lost his first hat about nine months ago. Really tore him up too."

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

Alas poor Daisy, I knew her well!

Harriet Walter

'He doesn't talk to me anymore.'

'Life is a precious thing, but simply breathing and existing isn't living...the end is inevitable for everything...I'm afraid that time has come for you, dear. I have to pull the plug...'

'Don't panic, folks! It's red ink, not blood!

'Actually,I didn't start drinking until his dog died.'

Nikolai Gogol

I know they told me not to bark

"On your previous visit you were describing how you were unable to express grief at the death of your first dog, Ranger. Please continue."

Headstone in bird cage, "We really loved our budgie.."

'Get the stretcher! He's got a mole on his leg that looks a little funky!!'

Stretcher Header.

"I'll consider your proposal, but first I need a second opinion from your ex-wife."

"Where's the fire, pal?"

'Look out kids, here comes Basil Rathbone.'

"I dreamed my parents were still alive."

Denial Exit Now: Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance Next 4 Exits.

'Some day, son, all of this will be your ex-wife's.'

'You're sure that's one of the stages of grief?'

Losing a loved one is never easy. The trick is to make it look easy.

'One day, this will make a wonderful metaphor.'

"Oh my God, mother! That is, like, so passive-aggressive!"

"You're not even listening, are you?!"

"I don't suppose you could settle up before you go?"

"When I got divorced, I went through all the stages of grieving - sadness, anger, denial and punching the air with delight when the settlement cheque came through!"

"I'm afraid there's really very little I can do."

Mourning break.

"You're still with me every day, Mom. Please stop."

'Last week my husband thought he was dying. This week he will know he was.'

'I just couldn't bear to be without Floyd. So I had him stuffed!'

"This is a very nice sympathy card for when your mother dies."