Greens Conqueror Gifts

'Ok, heads up! I'm swinging my sand wedge, and - yes! - I hit it out of the bunker!'

'I could get there with a wedge...you better hit a seven.'

Slippery hand golfer

'Did you know golf is the healthiest sport you can play?'

Rage.

"Our Rupert has swopped his gaming console for bagpipes...it gets us out of the house more often."

Second lifeReal life.

"When the slowest car in the fast lane don't go any slower than the fastest car in the slow lane."

'These new video games are getting out of hand...'

'I hate running in the outside lane.'

'I read that the ball is on the surface of the club for just 0.00035 of a second, so even when you take 100 shots to go around, you are only getting less than 1 second of golf for your money...'

"...and how often do you feel monkas?"

A Learning Curve.

'It's about your reports, Mittens. They're incomprehensible -- It's as if you walked across the keyboard, laid down and rolled over it a hundred times, then took a nap on it.'

"It came... it grew... it made Nana say bad words... 'Ow! You rotten #@!!×!' The invasion of the thistle"

"Thanks for the offer... but I'd rather see if tech support can get my computer running."

"A man can't fully enjoy golf until he has a family of his own to avoid."

"Yes! I defeated the invading forces! I am master and commander... I am a warlord!"

'Great putt. Lucky I hit the pin.'

'Going back to work now that the kids are grown is one thing, Martha. Mounting a hostile takeover bid of my company is another!'

"Each time someone enters this house, they'll be doused in antibacterial soap. It's just during the flu season."

Golf Myths - The Perfect Game.

Computer Gamers.

It was a short-cut through the hospital kitchens that Albert was first approached by a member of the antibiotic resistance.

Tough germ.

Carrying a bike over drawing pins.

'The pro said my swing was out of this world.'

'Why, yes, a banner season for squash! What makes you ask?'

'Here's a twist. Before you go on your quest, an insurance salesman tries to sell you life insurance. If you buy a lot you can date prettier girls.'

"My handicap is the water, trees, windows, the highway..."

"With my handicap I can park just about anywhere I want to!"

"We have a problem. It's called the competition."

'I'm not sure I like Billy playing video games so much!'

'Regardez - even le grand Escoffier cries quand il slices les onions.'

Cutting onions