Green Plate Guru Gifts

"What's today's special?"

The Busy Gardener

'If I had known it was going to be such a late Spring, i would have never started my garden seeds, indoors.'

"I figure if I was still employed, I wouldn’t get to spend all this time with you!"

"Well, that's created a little order in a world of chaos."

"Great! We're still going up! Chop a hole in the ceiling!"

Maybe I should have measured my garden before going shopping....

Gardener

Doing the borders.

"We really need more perennials? Aren't my weeds and crabgrass enough?"

"Cheery little flowers, saying good night, saying good morning!"

"Stop the throw-away mentality! Save resources! A New Year every 750 days is quite enough!"

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

"Usually gardeners only have green thumbs, so you must really spend a lot of time in the garden."

Horti-Culture

How can he sleep so comfortably knowing that pillow will someday be clogging a land fill...

"#Win!"

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

Palms. When fully grown that species will provide some nice shade in your your yard. Fronds with benefits.

I hate deer! What do you have to repel them? They're awful. I've got fences. Sprays. Decoys. Tree's Tree Nursery. I'll takes these. Anything to get rid of the varmints. Ring him up, Twig. I don't know why you are so down on deer. They've been very good to you! Anti-deer.

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

Garden Goddess.

Garden.

The Gardener's Calendar: Try to Repair It...

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

'Oh Hi!'

I want to rip out our lawn and plant a wild meadow. And I want lost of well-mown grass. What do you recommend? Nursery open. Just a sec. I'll check with my dad. No way! Tree's Tree Nursery. I'm not suggesting a marriage counselor!

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

'Well, kids, it all started with a massive Federal program to combat global warming....'

Award Winning Gardener

An old man growing berries

Eco Princess

'Looks like Reginald wasn't kidding when he said he's going to start urban farming on the roof...'

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fived on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

"Now I'll demonstrate how, with a minimum of capital investment, you can make a mountain out of a molehill!"