Green Plate Guru T-Shirts

"What's today's special?"

The Busy Gardener

'If I had known it was going to be such a late Spring, i would have never started my garden seeds, indoors.'

"I figure if I was still employed, I wouldn’t get to spend all this time with you!"

"Well, that's created a little order in a world of chaos."

"Great! We're still going up! Chop a hole in the ceiling!"

Maybe I should have measured my garden before going shopping....

Doing the borders.

"Cheery little flowers, saying good night, saying good morning!"

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

Gardener

"We really need more perennials? Aren't my weeds and crabgrass enough?"

"Stop the throw-away mentality! Save resources! A New Year every 750 days is quite enough!"

"Usually gardeners only have green thumbs, so you must really spend a lot of time in the garden."

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

How can he sleep so comfortably knowing that pillow will someday be clogging a land fill...

Horti-Culture

"#Win!"

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

Garden Goddess.

The Gardener's Calendar: Try to Repair It...

Garden.

An old man growing berries

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

'Well, kids, it all started with a massive Federal program to combat global warming....'

Eco Princess

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

'Oh Hi!'

Award Winning Gardener

'Looks like Reginald wasn't kidding when he said he's going to start urban farming on the roof...'

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fived on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

"This is bishop’s weed — always pee on it. Tell your friends."

"Now I'll demonstrate how, with a minimum of capital investment, you can make a mountain out of a molehill!"