Green-thumbed Guru T-Shirts

Send away mower for servicing...get your scythe out of the shed.

Goddess of Fertility garden feature

The Busy Gardener

"Those aren't coconuts, they're tennis balls." "Sweet mother of Novak Djokovic!" The island of lost tennis balls.

'If I had known it was going to be such a late Spring, i would have never started my garden seeds, indoors.'

"Well, that's created a little order in a world of chaos."

Maybe I should have measured my garden before going shopping....

Doing the borders.

"Stop the throw-away mentality! Save resources! A New Year every 750 days is quite enough!"

Gardener

"We really need more perennials? Aren't my weeds and crabgrass enough?"

"Cheery little flowers, saying good night, saying good morning!"

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

"Usually gardeners only have green thumbs, so you must really spend a lot of time in the garden."

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

Horti-Culture

How can he sleep so comfortably knowing that pillow will someday be clogging a land fill...

Garden Goddess.

Garden.

The Gardener's Calendar: Try to Repair It...

"I wanted to plant my own food, but I couldn't find bacon seeds!"

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

'Well, kids, it all started with a massive Federal program to combat global warming....'

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

Eco Princess

An old man growing berries

Award Winning Gardener

'Looks like Reginald wasn't kidding when he said he's going to start urban farming on the roof...'

"This is bishop’s weed — always pee on it. Tell your friends."

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fived on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

The Music Seed

"I think globally, but I tend to pollute locally."

'That plant food really works!'

"It's ideal for the man who works close to home."