Green-thumbed Guru T-Shirts

Send away mower for servicing...get your scythe out of the shed.

Goddess of Fertility garden feature

The Busy Gardener

"Those aren't coconuts, they're tennis balls." "Sweet mother of Novak Djokovic!" The island of lost tennis balls.

'If I had known it was going to be such a late Spring, i would have never started my garden seeds, indoors.'

"Well, that's created a little order in a world of chaos."

Maybe I should have measured my garden before going shopping....

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

Doing the borders.

Gardener

"Stop the throw-away mentality! Save resources! A New Year every 750 days is quite enough!"

"We really need more perennials? Aren't my weeds and crabgrass enough?"

"Cheery little flowers, saying good night, saying good morning!"

"Usually gardeners only have green thumbs, so you must really spend a lot of time in the garden."

Palms. When fully grown that species will provide some nice shade in your your yard. Fronds with benefits.

Horti-Culture

How can he sleep so comfortably knowing that pillow will someday be clogging a land fill...

I hate deer! What do you have to repel them? They're awful. I've got fences. Sprays. Decoys. Tree's Tree Nursery. I'll takes these. Anything to get rid of the varmints. Ring him up, Twig. I don't know why you are so down on deer. They've been very good to you! Anti-deer.

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

Garden Goddess.

Garden.

The Gardener's Calendar: Try to Repair It...

"I wanted to plant my own food, but I couldn't find bacon seeds!"

'Well, kids, it all started with a massive Federal program to combat global warming....'

I want to rip out our lawn and plant a wild meadow. And I want lost of well-mown grass. What do you recommend? Nursery open. Just a sec. I'll check with my dad. No way! Tree's Tree Nursery. I'm not suggesting a marriage counselor!

Eco Princess

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

Award Winning Gardener

An old man growing berries

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

'Looks like Reginald wasn't kidding when he said he's going to start urban farming on the roof...'

"This is bishop’s weed — always pee on it. Tell your friends."

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fived on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

The Music Seed

"I think globally, but I tend to pollute locally."