Green Belt Guru Gifts

Martial Arts

The Busy Gardener

'If I had known it was going to be such a late Spring, i would have never started my garden seeds, indoors.'

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

"Well, that's created a little order in a world of chaos."

Maybe I should have measured my garden before going shopping....

"We really need more perennials? Aren't my weeds and crabgrass enough?"

"Stop the throw-away mentality! Save resources! A New Year every 750 days is quite enough!"

"Cheery little flowers, saying good night, saying good morning!"

On the back of the t-shirt...

'Every piece of equipment is hooked up to battery cells in the basement, and we actually sell electricity back to the power company!'

Muscles

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

Gardener

Doing the borders.

"Usually gardeners only have green thumbs, so you must really spend a lot of time in the garden."

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

How can he sleep so comfortably knowing that pillow will someday be clogging a land fill...

Palms. When fully grown that species will provide some nice shade in your your yard. Fronds with benefits.

Horti-Culture

I hate deer! What do you have to repel them? They're awful. I've got fences. Sprays. Decoys. Tree's Tree Nursery. I'll takes these. Anything to get rid of the varmints. Ring him up, Twig. I don't know why you are so down on deer. They've been very good to you! Anti-deer.

Garden Goddess.

The Gardener's Calendar: Try to Repair It...

Garden.

Eco Princess

I want to rip out our lawn and plant a wild meadow. And I want lost of well-mown grass. What do you recommend? Nursery open. Just a sec. I'll check with my dad. No way! Tree's Tree Nursery. I'm not suggesting a marriage counselor!

Exercise Class

An old man growing berries

Award Winning Gardener

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

'Well, kids, it all started with a massive Federal program to combat global warming....'

"All this spinning...shouldn't this be charging our phones or something?"

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

'Looks like Reginald wasn't kidding when he said he's going to start urban farming on the roof...'