Great-great-grandfather Gifts

'When you live 900 years, you find that your great-great-great-great grandchildren never come to visit.'

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

City Zoo: Day Care

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"He can't decide which one he likes best. . .His leaf blower, his weed wacker, or his metal detector."

"Bond James, Bond."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Prize vegetables.

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

The Busy Gardener

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'Boy, the fish are really biting today, aren't they, Fred?'

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

"Did I hear the dog in here?"

I like the Jets...I guess

"A wet winter, but we're making the best of it."

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

"Don't worry, dear. You'll grow."

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

"His first out-of-body experience."

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

"He's got no clue how easy he has it compared to his ancestors."

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

"They grow up so fast."