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Good Dane/Great Dane

Good, but not Great Danes.

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

'He does lack social skills.'

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

'Just taking the dog for a walk, Dear.'

'Burying things is his version of spring cleaning.'

Woman setting out a dinner party with name cards labeled cat person, dog person.

Shepherd, Herder, Hunter, Thinker.

'What's founder?'

"Sorry - my dog is at the vet. This one is a loaner."

Dog Training. Most of the choices the dogs made for their book reports are logical. The labrador retriever chose "Catch-22." The terrier, who loves to dig, chose "Journey to the Center of the Earth." The basset hound is doing his on "The Howling." and the shar-pei picked "A Wrinkle in Time." But the dachshund's choice confuses me. Even with the ground-hugging physique, he selected "Wuthering Heights."

"In honor of your birthday I had your face tattooed to my ass."

'No, Mrs. Dudley! If there's a bone in a chair, that means it's reserved for Marmaduke!'

'As I said to Phil, 'Call a plumber!''

'Why do they call it walking the dog?'

"Turned out he wasn't a miniature."

'I like their lollipops. If we ever get any money, we ought to open an account here.'

Why unicorns became extinct.

'Where it asks, 'head of household'. . . who is it. . . you or Marmaduke?'

'He's part Great Dane and part couch potato.'

"What does 'giddyup' even mean?"

'Don't even think about it. Your food bill is high enough.'

'He's not great at playing dead, but his sad look when he's in trouble is a real work of art.'

'Nope. He doesn't qualify you for the carpool lane.'

'The news has started a MarmWatch segment as a public service.'

'Sometimes he seems almost human, but he's very good at being a dog.'

'Do you think I over-praised Marmaduke for fetching the paper?'

'Remember, Doctor, when he was a puppy and you said he'd outgrow it?'

'Marmaduke will perform that trick no matter how small the audience.'

'Is it just me, or is it getting warm in here?'

"Growth spurt?"

'Not 'til you make it stop yappin'!'

'The weed didn't know you buried your bone there.'

'Tell him there's no such thing as the abominable snowman.'